There are posts for other characters as well.
Obviously this entire post is spoilers, so don’t read it if you don’t want to know specifics about Alistair.
Note: I had an opportunity to play on the PS3 recently. The approval rates vary slightly from the PC. This is for the PC version, but it should get you close on console, as well. The unique gifts (his mother’s locket and Duncan’s shield) seemed to boost approval much more on the console than they do on the PC. I had to get a little farther in the game before he was ready to spend the night with my Warden than I usually do, but it wasn’t too far from this. I hadn’t given him his mother’s locket, yet, but I did use some of his other Gifts to get him to the point.
In the course of playing Dragon Age I’ve played male and female Wardens both. They’ve romanced Alistair, Zevran, Morrigan, and Leliana. Most of them were good friends with those who weren’t romantically involved.
Some of the NPCs are quicker to “join you in their tent” than others. While some fall in love, others are into flings. There’s many, many ways of doing this, but here are some simple ways to quickly get into Alistair’s favor and on with the romance / sex / friendship.
These are my actual dialog choices for getting him to like the Warden or into a romance quickly.
Alistair is a “Boy Scout” at heart so he gives approval for doing nice things for people, likes to hear good things about Duncan, and enjoys positive attention. He is only interested in women. To get on these characters’ good sides you’ll need to chat with them every chance you get. Spend some time in your Camp talking to all of them so you can get their full stories.
When you first meet him, he’s arguing with a mage. Speak with him to the end of the scene then click on him again.
+2 Approval – Ask about Duncan, tell him he seems like a kind, if firm, man.
+2 Approval – If you don’t ask him about the argument about the mage, he’ll ask you about being a Grey Warden. Tell him “Yes” that you wanted to be one. If you’re taking this as more of a role playing aspect and your character is reluctant, you can avoid this branch by not asking about the mage.
+1 Approval – Feed the prisoner in the cage in the side quest. If you don’t take the key as a reward and do it out of compassion you get +2 Approval.
+1 Approval – When speaking to Duncan before going to light the fire in the Tower of Ishal Alistair makes a comment about putting on a dress and dancing the Remigold. Tell him “I’d like to see that…”
+4 Approval – After waking up in Flemeth’s hut go through the various dialog until you can say: “I think we should just get underway.”
+1 Approval – Once you go through Lothering, you’ll be tossing and turning with nightmares. Thank him for being concerned and tell him that you’re fine.
Talk to him in while you’re in Camp.
— Do you want to talk about Duncan?
— That doesn’t mean I don’t mourn his loss
— No harm done, Alistair
— He had you.
— No, I understand completely
— Maybe I’ll go to Highever with you, when you go.
+3 Approval / Initiate Romance (female only) by telling him: “Has anyone ever told you how handsome you are?” Any of the results are fine except telling him it’s nothing to get excited about or that you’d rather he didn’t return the compliment. In other words, don’t confuse the poor man.
+1 Approval – Ask him about being a Templar. When he talks about the lyrium tell him that it’s “terrible!” they would do something like that.
+ 1 Approval
— Ask him about how he became a Grey Warden.
–- I mean before that.
–- You don’t seem like the religious sort.
–- Why did the grand cleric want to keep you?
–- I’m sorry.
–- So this Arl Eamon raised you?
–- Really? That must have been tough for them (note you can get more approval by saying “That explains the smell” but considering my Warden hit on him 30 seconds ago, I don’t usually put down his hygiene.)
–- Uh huh. Raised by flying, devout dogs. I see. (I think this actually gives you a -1 but you get overall more Approval, and get some fun things to answer back with by taking this path.)
–- Only the ones where we’re making mad love in my tent.
–- Why have you remained a Templar if you hate the Chantry?
–- Oh? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wearing it (the mage has an additional line here, although I don’t recall what it is exactly. I think it’s something to the effect of: “Then you should have been a mage.”)
–- And what’s the real reason?
–- Then make up something more exciting.
–- I think I understand.
–- I guess my home is with the Grey Wardens now. With you.
–- They can be rebuilt.
+3 Approval – the infamous Lamppost in Winter conversation
–- If you were raised by the Chantry have you never….?
–- You know what I mean.
–- Now you’re making fun of me.
–- Why yes! I’ve licked a lamppost in winter!
–- You never had the opportunity?
–- You think I’m beautiful?
–- I’d never hurt you.
+5 Approval. Ask him what changes after the Joining.
–- I mean what changes physically?
–- Just try that line on me.
–- I haven’t felt anything like that.
–- What can I say? I’m a growing girl (then smack him one on the shoulder, because what woman wants to be told she’s an overzealous eater or her butt really DOES look big in that armor?)
–- I’ve had some strange dreams.
–- His time has come?
–- Why Orzammar?
–- I never wondered that, I understand. (If taking an RP track and you’re not happy hearing that, some of those can result in negative.)
–- He will be remembered.
+3 Approval – ask him what it was like to be a Grey Warden with the others.
–- No, I’d like to hear about them.
–- Sounds like you had a lot of fun.
–- I’m sorry, this must be hard for you.
–- Not at all.
+3 Approval – Unless you’re using the Alistair Dialog Mod by Lady Olivia which delays gossip, he’ll go into the Camp gossip when you click on him, now. Play along with him for more approval.
–- Time for the juicy gossip, I take it?
–- If you want to lead all you have to do is ask.
–- Sounds like fun, ask away!
As long as you keep the conversation going, it doesn’t seem to matter what you say to him on anyone except Morrigan. When he gets to her…
–- You two really don’t like each other, do you?
–- I don’t have to like her, she’s useful.
+4 Approval – Ask him to speak privately.
–- I need to tell you how much I enjoy your company.
–- I feel the same way.
+2 Approval – Kiss him.
Give him the statuette found in Lothering which is one of his special Gifts and you should be around +64 Approval.
You can ask him to join you in your tent but he’ll turn you down at this point. Do not push him! He’s a shy guy, and asking after the first time results in his getting flustered and negative approval.
You can go anywhere on the map now, but I normally go to Redcliffe and begin the first portion of the quests there. Bring Alistair along if you want to pick up some Approval and let him play “tank.”
Alistair stops you and you get a cut scene before going into town.
–- What’s on your mind?
–- So you’re not just a bastard, you’re a royal bastard?
–- I think I understand.
–- Are you sure you’re not hiding anything else?
–- You’re a prince. Somehow I find that idea very … thrilling.
–- (Anything to wrap up the conversation is fine.)
+ 3 Approval – Drop in to talk to Bann Teagan after speaking with Thomas on the bridge. Say whatever you want then ask him what kind of evil things are attacking. Alistair will want to help the village. Tell Teagan that of course you’ll help.
You have a weeping girl near the door named Kaitlyn. Tell her you’ll find her brother for her then go out the Chantry and around the corner to her house. You’ll find her brother lurking in a cabinet. Be nice to him and ask him why he was hiding. (You’ll need at least 2 blocks of Persuasion.) He’ll tell you about his grandfather’s sword. You can either Persuade him that you’ll use it to help the village or promise him that you’ll give Kaitlyn some money to help his family out (if you’re nice. I’m assuming considering all the above dialog your Warden isn’t out to bully little boys with big dreams.)
Go back to Kaitlyn and be sure you have some gold on you. Tell her you found the sword and pay her 500 silver (or 5 gold for it. Note I had a bad typo in there which said 500 gold. The whole village probably isn’t worth that.) Alistair will give +2 Approval. This also effects other party members good and bad, but that’s for other posts.
Alistair will be at Adore level now, and ready to sleep with your Warden if you ask him. If he isn’t quite there you can ask him about his birthright the next time you’re in Camp.
Tell him you’re hurt that he didn’t trust you.
–- I guess I can understand that.
–- It doesn’t sound stupid at all.
–- Don’t worry about it, no harm done.
He’ll approach and trigger his personal quest to find his sister. Tell him you’re willing to and don’t make any overly abrasive comments for a +2 Approval.
The next time you click on him he’ll tell you that he’s starting to have feelings for the Warden and wants confirmation.
+ 4 Approval
–- Miss the constant battles, or miss you?
–- I think I already do or It’s too early to say (either of these trigger him to kiss her.)
–- Either tell him she liked it or she’ll need more testing to be sure. Either one is okay.
+8 Approval – Invite him to bed. As long as you don’t say something obviously rude or shoot him out of the saddle it won’t matter the dialog. Go through the romance scene with him then you’ll get several options to speak with him after the fact. You can either joke lightly with him about being struck by lighting or tell him he was great in bed. (Which I think it’s safe to assume most men would like to hear that one virtual or otherwise.)
For him to actually fall in love you must complete his personal quest and take him to see his sister.
If you want to wait, he will approach the Warden and initiate sex if you’re patient. You’ll have to complete any of the Blight quests (wrap up the Curse in the forest one way or the other, do the Circle Tower, finish Orzammar, or go through Haven to see an end with Eamon one way or the other.) You’ll also have to finish his personal quest, and have high enough approval. If the Warden meets all those criteria, he’ll approach her and begin a cutscene conversation where he asks her to spend the night with him.
Key points to remember so you don’t piss him off:
Killing Conner is bad, but using blood magic to kill Isolde is much, much worse. If possible, save the Mages of the Circle using the Litany of Andralla and save Conner’s life by sending Wynne, Morrigan, Irving, or yourself (if playing a Mage Warden) into the Fade.
Alistair is not a mercenary personality. Things like allying with Branka, killing all the Dalish, and I’m assuming poisoning the Sacred Ashes don’t go over well with him. That’s the last thing I haven’t done, so I don’t know exactly how he reacts to the ashes.
Getting involved with Zevran or Leliana will eventually make him jealous and he’ll ask that you choose him or the other person. He generally approves of helping people and will give Approval for freeing the Smith’s daughter as well as releasing the trapped elven mage in a gem down in the Werewolf ruins (unlocks Arcane Warrior.)
Here’s a list of his special Gifts.
You can marry him if you play a Human Noble and become the Queen.
He’s not too fond of being the king, but if you harden his personality he takes to it better. If you’re not playing a human noble and you want to stay with him after he’s king you must harden his personality. He’ll break it off with her otherwise. If you need help becoming queen I have a post up for it.
You don’t have to make him king. If his personality isn’t hardened, especially, he’ll be happy to stay a Grey Warden.
The only way to spare his life is to do the Dark Ritual or leave him behind at the gates. If you don’t and he loves her, he will take the death blow with the Archdemon. Without a mod, there’s no allowing your Warden to go out in a blaze of glory for the man she loves if he stays in your party. (Male Wardens / friends can, but not the woman he loves.)
If you recruit Loghain, Alistair leaves. That’s his Crisis Point. There’s no talking him out of it, and the only way for him to stay in the game is to marry him to Anora. He won’t keep the Warden on the side if you put Loghain through the Joining. He’s done with your Warden as a love interest at that point.
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